Lessons from an Avocado Tree
Patience, Determination, and Other Things
Hi friends! It’s been a minute, hasn’t it? 😅 My instinct is to apologize to you all, and maybe there’s some merit in terms of an unhonored commitment, but I also am doing my best to stop apologizing for things that are not my fault. Much of the lack of communication has been due to my recurrent health issues. I know that my health issues are not my fault, but it’s hard to accept that. Since it’s my body, it’s easy for me to feel a sort of responsibility for its malfunctions. And yet, I know that’s not the case. Even if I do things that are not good for it, such as staying up too late or drinking too much (which is not an issue — I’m talking about two glasses of wine instead of one here), it is not my fault I am sick. (Whew, I guess that’s another thing to talk about in therapy.)
Today, I want to talk about this guy:
“This guy” is an avocado tree. Months ago, after eating an avocado, I had an impulsive thought to plant it. I’d had this thought before — almost every time I’ve finished an avocado, in fact — but never done it. I’m not sure why. Did I think it would be too hard? It certainly wasn’t. Did I think it wouldn’t work? What a silly reason not to try.
I figured it would take a long time. But I washed the pit off anyway. I put it in a jar with enough water to reach halfway up the pit. (I thought messing with toothpicks would be too fussy.) Every few days, I changed the water and rinsed the pit off. Beyond that, I just waited.
And waited.
And waited some more.
My housemate asked me if I thought it was a dud. I myself wondered that many times. But I knew, from my own life experience, that sometimes we just need time. Weeks turned into months, which turned into a quarter of a year or more.
Then, one day, I saw roots.
I was amazed. Quickly, they grew. I potted it in some soil, with the roots buried and the other half of the avocado pointing to the sky. It took two days to see stem growth. The photo above was taken on August 21st, two weeks after I planted it. It’s even bigger now.
I’m honestly amazed. I half expected it to not grow at all, and definitely didn’t anticipate such rapid growth. I have bigger containers lined up for it, but I thought it would take years to need them. Maybe it will only take months. I’m so grateful that I didn’t give up on this guy.
What I’ve Learned from This Guy
(For the record, I really do call the avocado tree “this guy”. I think it started as a joke but I’m not sure; what I do know is that that’s its name now.)
One of the things that I love most about stories is their sneaky way at communicating meaning. Sometimes the story tells the reader the meaning, but sometimes we find it ourselves. In the story of the avocado tree, for example, no one told me what lessons to learn. No one even told me to frame the story in the way I did. It just happened, and I noticed it. A lot of times things are only revealed when we are paying attention.
Anyway. I’ve definitely been reminded of the need for patience. If I had decided to throw out the pit or given up on it, I would never have seen this incredible growth. I would never have such a beautiful addition to my plant collection. And the tree would not have had the opportunity to grow. Patience means waiting, yes, but it also means waiting without demanding a certain outcome on a certain timeline. Patience is a feeling, sure, but it is also a choice. An act. A commitment. I am sure there was at least one time I was frustrated and still chose patience. The same with disappointment. Patience lets an avocado tree flourish, yes, but it also lets people and relationships have the opportunity to grow. Patience, with others and ourselves, is truly vital — is truly necessary to life.
I’ve also been reminded of the importance of determination. Did any of you read The Little Engine that Could as a kid? It’s a story about a train trying to get over a hill. The story of the avocado tree reminds me of the train in that story in some key ways. It never gave up trying to grow.1 It put in a lot of effort. And it was supported (by me and my housemates) both before it made visible change and after.
That being said, there’s a lot that’s different. Everyone could see the effort the train put in to get up that hill, but I couldn’t see the effort That Guy was putting in until after I saw growth. Much of the growth was inside and unnoticed. So it is with people, I think. So much change and growth happens on the inside. We can let others know the growth is happening, and even be encouraged by them, but they can’t do the growing for us, and they just have to trust that it’s happening. I’m really grateful that I have people in my life who support me and trust me. I hope you, dear reader, have the same kind of support.
There’s so much more that the avocado tree reminds me of. We need to be tended to by others. If we are ignored, we do not grow. If we are nourished, eventually (in like 20 years if you’re an avocado tree, but maybe sooner for people) we can nourish others. There’s so much more to learn. If you’d like to share and have any lessons that stood out to you from the story of the avocado tree, I’d love it if you left a comment sharing about it! Or any lesson from any story that’s stuck with you.
Anyway, friends, that’s what I’ve got for this edition.
What’s Growing in the Garden Lately
In this recurring section, I put most of my short updates.
This week’s rose was going to a local queer writing group. I love the people, and I love the place. In fact, I wrote this newsletter while there one week! I love community and highly encourage you to find a community or more to plug into. My thorn is that, as of writing this, my gastrointestinal issues have been ramping up for the past few… months, honestly. I will have seen a new gi doctor on the 29th, and I hope it will have gone well! (Update: it did!!!)
The leaves are just beginning to turn colors. We’ve had a few crisp mornings and chilly evenings. Fall is coming and I am so excited. (If you read any posts from last fall, you’ll know how excited I am lol.)
I add this bullet point every time, and it continues to be true: I know there is hard stuff happening in the world. I am painfully aware of it. I continue to not have the capacity to address much of it outside my little bubble. I do stand against violence (against people and the earth), and condemn genocide. There is just so much out there that is equally hard to hear about. I hope this newsletter can provide solace so that you can learn and act in other avenues.
That’s all from me!
Much love,
Joseph
I am definitely personifying this tree. I don’t think there’s a problem with that. I think personifying animals, and even plants, helps us practice compassion better. And I think animals and plants, as well as other people, are deserving of compassion.